Fashion & Lifestyle

To The Mum Who Feels Guilty Every Day

R

As mums, women, daughters, friends, sisters, we put ourselves to the bottom of ever increasing to do list right?

As mum's we are supposed to put our kids needs first?

As wives etc, we are supposed to put our families needs first right?

Well yes, but not always, you see as a mum who has done it from both sides of the coin, I have been the stay at home full time mum, from the age of 18 and carer as 3 out of 4 of my children have severe Autism, special educational needs, and mental health issues, so my days were filled with doctors appointments, hospital appointments, teaching them to do the basic like smile, eat, walk, talk, play, interact in a world they didn't know how to, all the while juggling marriage that wasn't happy, home life, housework, shopping, seeing other family, phew I was exhausted most day mentally & physically, and had so many labels put on me I didn't;t know which to choose

Looking after me and my needs back then just wasn't a priority, and I became ill, and ended my first marriage to which I felt a heap of guilt, he was a good dad, yes but a rubbish husband, whose gonna help you with the kids, no one, they never did, why do you have to move, because staying in a village where everyone knows your husband cheated is just not nice..

Now I am older and I'd like to say wiser, but that isn't the truth, yes I have crawled through my curveballs, and come out still smiling, I have started working on my business dreams working from home, around my kids, and family, (not as easy as it sounds) because if I have had to say to the kids or my hubby just give me a minute to finish this once, then I've said it a million times in the same 5 minutes!

On repeat like the film groundhog day, the same sentence over & over, yes I can get you a drink, just give me a second, yes I can help you, just give me a minute, yes I can play, just let me finish what I'm doing, and I sit and wish for a little peace to just finish the work I am doing..

Even with work projects I say it too:

Can you write me a guest post, yeah sure no probs, just let me finish the ones I'm doing..

Can you design me a piece of jewellery, yes let me clear some time next week...

Can you fit me in for an emergency coaching chat.... yes no problem just give me 5 mins...

You see I am a giver, a people pleaser, I used to freely give my time, energy, products, and services for free, as I hate letting others down...I felt guilty if I didn't..

But the problem with this is, for every time I say just a minute, or I am finishing projects & jobs for others businesses rather than my own, My long to do list, is just as long, and I haven't even started on it, but then I'll tell myself oh not to worry, tomorrow is another day...

And so it starts again the same cycle, the same feeling guilty, stressed, overwhelmed, like I'm failing at not being able to do it all.

Feeling guilty that I didn't give time to my own projects, that I wasn't present in the moment with my kids, hubby, family or friends, feeling like because in the past six months due to the covid 19 pandemic I've hardly worked with clients, seen friends never mind family, so there's the guilt of not seeing people too, of worrying over people, and for a heart led person, the guilt can consume me

Guilty for not working like others during the pandemic, but then feeling guilty when I did, as my family needed me more, guilty for not seeing people, guilty for not doing or keeping up with the housework, the list goes on..

I'd feel a mess, but by the time the little one was in bed, I was to tired to do anything but crash on the sofa, and watch a little mindless TV, I'd feel so tired, listless even, I lost motivation, passion, joy, laughter, I felt like a failure..

And I know I'm not alone in thinking this way, as I have had conversations with other mums, mums who have small businesses too, the stay at home mums, the work from home mums, who all feel like this too..

We talk about life, motherhood, and finding ourselves, we talk about the constant battles, the juggles, the many hats we wear (labels that others & society gives us), and we say motherhood isn't easy, damn it, it never has been, and never was, not even in my grandmother's day (they just did it differently to us)

As mums, and women we feel like we are letting everyone else down if we don't do everything, but let me just say... it's impossible to get it all done, it's impossible to do the million and one things on your never ending to do list...

Covid has taught me that...

It has also taught me to listen to what actually matters to me, and what lights me up inside, it has taught me life is to short to feel guilty, to do the never ending to do list, to try and do and be all for everything and everyone...

I am one person, human and not a robot, I have wants, needs and feelings too... that matter...

And now I say hot damn but look at what we can do as a woman, as a mum...

We can bring up little humans, we can take care of them, keep them alive, keep them fed, warm, loved, safe, played with, and yes if they go without a shower for a day, get a little muck on them, have to wait ten minutes for their tea, it doesn't harm them, so long as they are loved...

We can be lover, friend, partner, to someone, we can listen to their dreams, give our time, give our energy, and we do so willingly, because we love them

We can be daughter, sister, friend and again listen with our hearts, give our time, & energy without question because we love them..

We come through dark battles and curveballs that no one else sees, we smile through our tears, our heartbreak, our scars, and we do the best we can on any given day, when we are so tired...

And that's enough!

What I have promised myself going forward, and what you can promise to yourself too...

I will be gentle with myself, my heart, my soul

I will stop judging myself, and feeling guilty, because I am doing my best

I will be happy to be my perfect imperfect self, I embrace my shadows, my light, I will have hope, gratitude and grace each day

I will trust in my journey in this wonderful thing called life, what will be, will be..

And lastly, I will change my never ending to do list, for a I did do list...

Hugs & Wishes

Lisa xx

  

Posted 
Oct 8, 2020
 in 
Fashion & Lifestyle
 category

More from 

Fashion & Lifestyle

 category

View All

Join Our Newsletter and Get the Latest
Posts to Your Inbox

No spam ever. Read our Privacy Policy
Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.