How To Break Toxic Relationship Patterns
What is a toxic relationship?
Let me first define briefly what a toxic relationship is. It is an unhealthy relationship where a partner is emotionally abusive and possibly physically abusive too. The toxic partner is self-centred and controlling. Toxic relationships can happen to both men and women.
Toxic Relationship Patterns
It may seem strange to many, but people who have been in emotionally and physically abusive relationships, and then leave after much heartache and pain, often find themselves trapped in another very similar one, or even worse. Why is that? It is because there is some unhealed emotion within them that keeps them feeling attracted to the people who don’t treat others well. Narcissists can start out looking like a good proposition when they first start a relationship because they will love-bomb you and make you feel special. But things start to change when they have hooked you in. The red flags are there but are so often overlooked. This is because the empathetic person in the relationship will make excuses for the other person, you may say to yourself ‘he had a bad day…he didn’t mean what he said…it was my fault because …’ Our subconscious minds are hard-wired to repeat familiar patterns.
I too have been in a pattern of emotionally abusive relationships. My last one made me feel like I was a bad parent, nothing I did was ever good enough, I gave way to much of myself to him, getting little back in return and everything that didn’t go right ended up being my fault as is so often the case in these kinds of relationships. He lied his way out of any situation. It made my head spin! I believed less in myself than I ever have before. I felt broken, discarded, wounded and hurt even though it was me that made the decision to leave. And all these feelings are typical when you are dealing with a narcissist. I tried to make a clean break, but he was doing his best to real me back in telling me how we were 'soul mates' or a 'twin flame' that couldn’t survive without the other. He was an alcoholic, gambler and more, but the mask he wore to the outside world was that of a person who was respectable and trustworthy.
It wasn’t until I happened to see a video on narcissistic behaviours that the penny started to drop and I began to see what I had been dealing with for years. Fortunately, I had already trained in a fabulous method that works to break old patterns in the subconscious mind that you no longer want or need. The method had appealed to me because it got rapid results by working with the subconscious, our emotional minds. At the time I trained I thought I just needed a little confidence. Emotionally abusive relationships were so common to me that I thought that is what love was. Can you relate?
Last year I took action to move away from my last narcissistic relationship. Although it took a car accident to see what had been going on in our relationship. I then started divorce proceedings. I felt broken, unfixable. As a co-dependant, I was so anxious about becoming a single parent that I knew I had to take steps to work with my subconscious mind and heal from those emotions and old beliefs about myself that kept me trapped in a cycle of emotional abuse. All my life I had given myself to other people and wanted to please them so much, now I was starting to take my own power back and that very action was the start of my healing process.
I had to take steps to heal because the pain of staying where I was too much to comprehend – I was scared that the next relationship I may have would be violent too. The fear of being alone for the rest of my life terrified me too, so I needed to do the work on myself and heal.
I had no real idea where my root cause of toxic relationships had begun, although I could guess. The crucial thing to know is that it's not the event that affects us, so much as the emotional response we attach to it. My subconscious learnt that love was painful and that to get the attention I had to be the good kid and that is the role I continued to play, as well as pleasing others before meeting my own needs. We learn how to interact with other people through early relationships in our lives. Events give us a perspective of the world and we carry on seeing the world through that perspective until we change our internal world and our thought patterns. So I carried on being a people pleaser, bending myself out of shape to 'fit in'. I was trying to get outside validation of myself because internally I believed that 'everyone else' could do this 'life thing' better than me.
It took me just a few short weeks to really feel that I was healing even after the initial 2-hour session. So much has changed in the 18 months since then. I had the confidence to start dating again. I joined dating apps which I had never done before. I decided to go on virtual dates using social media video links until I felt I wanted to meet someone in person. I had a date for real with that one special person and things are going really well between us.
I have also moved house, the divorce is complete and I am in a proper loving relationship for the first time in my life. So much has changed for me and it is possible for you too when you work with your subconscious mind everything changes permanently and it really doesn’t have to feel like work.
Rachel Claire Farnsworth helps others to heal after toxic relationships, anxiety, depression and physical conditions such as autoimmune disease, chronic fatigue, IBS, fibromyalgia & more.
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