Fashion & Lifestyle

Dealing With Rejection And Being Cheated On

R

As a relationship & dating expert and matchmaker who talks to numerous people looking for love after rejection or with relationship issues.

With recent reports allegedly Kayne hinted he was unfaithful to Kim Kardashian before accusing her of cheating.

What happened to my relationship it was great at the start? Countless couples complain of losing the “spark” in their relationship. Rejection: firstly is it real rejection or are you perceiving you are being rejected and perhaps it does not exist? How someone reacts to rejection is often steered by past experiences and how they currently are feeling. 

Firstly you may be with someone who actually is rejecting you, the person has decided to move on and actually, it's only a matter of time before they end the relationship. As hard as this is often you have to decide to move as there is little point being in a relationship with someone who does not want to be with you, this hurts like hell.             

How do you actually know this is the case and your partner wants to move on? The best way (which is also the most painful) is to confront them calmly, tell them how you are feeling, ask them to tell you why they are acting the way they are, and then give them an easy way out of the relationship. Here is the thing if they are going to leave they will take your offer there and then or they will say they need to think things through and normally they will call things a day in a day or so and say the relationship is over. Horrible I know but you need to know, life is short and you need to build your life on solid foundations.

However, sometimes it takes a conversation like the one I have described to give your partner a jolt and re-evaluate your relationship and how they feel about you. Sometimes your partner is possibly rejecting you because your relationship has gone stale or perhaps you are being too controlling. I hope that if this is the case you can improve your communication and work on the 2 C`s described earlier. 

Being cheated on: There is no getting over this quickly it's horribly painful and emotionally crushing. You feel rejected, angry, sad, scared, and empty all at the same time.

You have 2 options and neither are easy,

1 End the relationship and move on as fast as you can. This is much easier if you are single or in a relationship where children are not involved. You might be heartbroken but the trust has gone and there is no way back for you.

2 Try and find a way of forgiving your partner. In my experience this can only happen if you know all of the facts, your partner has been honest about why it happened and you have decided that you believe that it was a one-off and the relationship is worth fighting for.

It's easy to judge other people's lives and from experience, I can tell you the circumstances around cheating can vary widely. Let me give you two scenarios, firstly, your husband, wife, or partner has never cheated on you, is very loving, and has always been loyal. They go out with friends and drink too much, so much so they actually cannot remember their actions and they have a one night stand, they are mortified and either confess or you find out. Whatever the scenario, they have never done it before and made a huge mistake. The second scenario is your partner has been having an affair for months or even perhaps years it has been planned and is calculated.

When you look at the two scenarios you will see why things are not as black and white as it may seem.

Forgiving does not mean forgetting but you must forgive to make it work. You cannot say you are going to forgive and then keep throwing it in your partners face every time you get angry because that will not work for the long term

Do the following exercise,

1 Take personal time out, grab a journal, and make notes about what is good in your relationship.

2 Make notes about what has not been working of late and why. Don't blame yourself for their infidelity but do look back and try to notice where things might have started to slip.

3 What habits your partner has that are no longer acceptable to you and they must change or you cannot move forward.

4 What you would like to change about yourself and what action points are needed (This is not about you negatively beating yourself up, quite the opposite, what strengths and character traits do you now want to adopt).

5 Speak to 5 best friends/family members and ask them what they truly think about your partner (try and split this up between two groups who aren't close to each other). Ask them to be very blunt, make notes, and take time out to consider what your nearest and dearest are saying. If they tell you things are worth fighting for this will help you but if they all say run a mile this person is very bad for you and can't/won't change then you probably need to run a mile.

A word of warning some people will never change it's just not in their DNA and this reminds me of the story of the scorpion and the frog:

There was a scorpion and a frog, sort of friends walking along a riverbank one lovely sunny day and they eventually reach a point where they can go no further and the only way to get to where they want to go is to cross the river. The scorpion looks at the frog and smiles, the frog says politely what are you smiling for and the scorpion says great news you are a great swimmer so I will jump on your back and you can get us both to the other side. The frog looks at the scorpion and says “look I am not sure I want to do that because you are a scorpion and if you sting me I will drown to which the scorpion says, “don't be stupid if I sting you we will both drown because scorpions can't swim” so the frog thinks good point that would be truly a stupid thing to do. The frog says to the scorpion hop on I will get us across and the scorpion obliges, halfway across the river the frog feels terrible pain and realises the scorpion has stung him and they are both going to drown. The frogs look at the scorpion and say why did you do that we are both going to die to which the scorpion says I’m really sorry I could not help myself its in my nature.

Finally, take your time, and do not make rash decisions, stay off social media, and do not ever lower yourself to revenge, never blame yourself and do not feel embarrassed.

I am 100% for marriage and long term relationships but choose them wisely. 

I wish you every success with your journey, we are here for such a short time on this planet, learn from the lessons and move on, please don’t keep repeating bad habits or patterns. 

Go and make new wonderful memories that you can share with your children, grandchildren, or friends.

Lots of love Lisa x

Posted 
Aug 12, 2020
 in 
Fashion & Lifestyle
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