WHY DO RELATIONSHIPS LOSE THEIR SPARK?
As a relationship & dating expert and matchmaker who talks to numerous people looking for love after divorce or with relationship issues, what happened to my relationship it was great at the start. Countless couples complain of losing the “spark” in their relationship.
Some chalk it up to evolved differences, a slow-growing apart, or sheer familiarity and often taking each other for granted.
What causes our affections to diminish. What prompts the shift from hopeless love to deep disinterest? What turns our pulsating enthusiasm for another person to boredom and dissatisfaction?
Once the 9 months have past and the pink fluffy clouds start to disappear, reality starts. Hopefully, you are both happy together. However, sometimes it doesn't work out as you wished, the love and feelings are replaced with security and protection, although this may seem positive, replacing safety over passion and placing a priority on form over substance is a key destroyer of any close relationship.
The problem is we often lose respect and attraction, then you lose yourself, start to lose your confidence, and the person you once were.
When people start to lose these real feelings for each other, rather than challenging destructive patterns in their relationship, they tend to end the relationship.
There is hope, you can challenge negative habits and patterns, and experience new and exciting stages of your relationship.
This is why Alpha dating is so important, it is a tool to help with bringing the chemistry back you once had for each other.
Look, my advice is communication is the key and it's best to communicate your feelings in the right environment, just the two of you without distractions. If you have children it’s time to speak to a friend or your parents for babysitting duties.
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOUR CONFIDENCE IS SHOT AND WHY
The Five stone-cold killers:
- You have been cheated on
- You are feeling rejected
- Being body conscious and worried about your weight
- Physical appearance, teeth, loss of hair, possible scarring, image or other
- Education, thinking that you are not clever enough or good enough
Which one is making you feel bad about yourself ? Perhaps it's one or more of the above. I cover point one, two separately below because in my experience these two are often the most painful to deal with and can be very debilitating over time.
Points 3,4,5 are relatively easy to deal with believe it or not and can be fixed with a good dose of will power, a clear plan, and in some cases expert help and advice.
Human beings unlike any other creature on this planet have the ability to see things before they happen, they also have a unique ability to change course in any direction at any moment. Take for instance the house that you live in, someone (and it may have been you) decided to build that house, in their mind’s eye they saw the finished property, what size, how many rooms, the landscape. Once they had created this in their mind's eye they set about making it a reality.
What they didn’t do is wander onto the property and start laying bricks with no clear plan of what they were going to build.
You see we have an amazing ability to visualise what we want and then create a clear plan to achieve our goals outcomes we have free will.
-Weight, create a plan, follow a program (there are many great books available as well as free youtube videos) which involves eating the right foods and exercise, add a dollop of perseverance and watch the weight fall off.
Appearance, whatever it is you want to change, start off by firstly making the best of what you currently have. Next set about making a plan to get what help you need and from who, write this down. Put a timeline on this. You may need to earn some extra money and if this is the casework out how you will do this, how much you need and when you will have hit your target. For some reading, this money is not a challenge, for those where it is believe me work a plan and the time needed to earn the extra money will go fast. By the way, if you set yourself a target and achieve it your self-esteem will rocket.
-Education, in this day and age in the UK we are blessed, not only do we have libraries covering next to everything you might want to learn which are completely free we also have amazing access to the internet for online learning. Wherever your education is today it does not have to stay there. Create a plan of what you want to learn and work on your plan. Learning anything is like building a muscle its all about repetition. If your weakness is written or spoken English, Maths, History, or Quantum Physics all you need to know is available today and mostly free to read or watch.
Hey, I just had a thought, imagine how you would feel in 12 months if you worked a weekly plan on all three!!!!
For those of you who have really struggled with education and learning it might help to know I suffered from dyslexia all my life and back in the day if you did have dyslexia because it wasn't diagnosed mostly you were seen as the dunce and bullied, there is no need to hide in the shadows.
Lots of love Lisa X